Gray morning

Hi,

Its gonna be the day which may make a big difference in my life. But i really feel i am a coward.

Today’s weight: 34.0kg (how can it happen when i have kept decreasing ES intake? not feeling good….) Since last night I keep listening to the CD i got yesterday and its really soothing so i somehow keep my mental balance though. Anyways, as i mentioned earlier today is a kind of big day i had a whole can of ES and ready for it. But feeling guilty about drinking it at the same time. My feeling pullmets down to the bottom of the hell every time i see the increased figure of the scale. Also today’s dizzy-and-headache-after-having-ES is so terrible that i cant even stand up from chair.

oh and i am really glad to know someone in this world visit and read my blog from time to time. Thank you so much. :-)

a finding

12:30

finished todays big event now having lunch with Mekabu. (No ES) I don’t know I made it or not but I am feeling good about the fact that I didn’t ran away and faced it. But i  am secretly wishing it turns out bright side.

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